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5. May 2018

MY INNER LIFE IN A COMMUNITY

After some two-year period of being quite miserable leading my very standard city life, having a job and living in an appartment, something from within urged me to take the big leap into the unknown. In the city I often felt very isolated, disconnected from the enviroment and from myself. The wish to live more in tuned with the nature and to have deeper connectedness with the people got so strong I could not refuse or ignore it. Through some travelling and months of uncertainty it led me to where I am now.

On the most basic level for me living in a community means mindfully co-creating and intentionally sharing the space. We share more or less same values and similar vision about the space which helps us bond and connect. No tv, religion or orgies are needed. I think on some level we all made the decision to go after the real-shit-hardcore-authentic life. Meaning every individual can be his most truest self. As rewarding and beneficial as that can be, it can be also very challenging. I am aware me being here is a part of my soul education, a significant chapter in learning how to become a better human and more me.

In the period of almost six months that I live here now some questions arose within me and I would like to share them with you. If the reader is so inclined I invite you to ask yourself the questions that resonate with you and if so I wish you many meaningful insights.

What is my role in the community?

How can I contribute?

How much do I give or take from the space so the energy is balanced?

Recognizing what is my added value to the space.

What can I as a creative individual honestly and authentically offer to the space and the people in it?

What is coming from the ‘I should do this’ and what from ‘I trully want to do this’ part of me?

How do I distribute my time between my personal life&goals and the life&goals of the community?

How much time and space for myself do I need? Am I giving myself enough space?

How can I be compassionate to myself but also well motivated and efficient with my personal to-do list?

How do I soften my inner hardness?

What/where are my boundaries?

What is work for me? What do I see as work? When do I ask for help?

With what attitude do I approach a task at hand?

How much responsibility do I need/want in my life?

How much freedom do I need/want?

How much freedom is good for me and how much detrimental? What are the boundaries or the challenges I need to be content with myself and my life?

What do I want to create and co-create? What are my true talents and am I using them?

Issues about money. How much money do I actually need? What is money enabling me? What does money mean to me? To see the value of things, but not in numbers.

Recognizing abundance all around me. What is abundance for me?

Where is this fear of not having enough money coming from?

Sometimes I don’t feel so connected with community members. What can I do to feel more connected? What do I need to feel more connected? What does it mean to feel connected for me?

What are my expectations towards community?

What makes me feel safe?

Recognizing the value of proposing and self-initiative.

Why does it bother me the way someone said/did or didn’t do something? What is it teaching me?

Dealing with my triggers. Accepting my negative emotions.

Recognizing the traits coming from my personality and qualities that come from my true self, seeing the difference.

How can I parent myself more lovingly, being aware of the way I say or think things to myself?

What I have learned or am in a current process of learning:

The mentality of us, not only me. To think and act in terms of ours, for us. The multiple levels of sharing.

Putting more emphasis on what unites us instead on what separates us.

Appreciating myself and what I bring more and more.

Some of my goals are not only for my own good but also for the benefit of community (this is motivating me).

Are my actions reflecting my words?

Everyone is doing the best that they can in that given moment.

Compassion and not judging. Finding the root cause in myself and not blaming others.

The one who annoys me the most carries the biggest present for me.

What is also important to me is each week we have a sharing circle. This is where we share what each feels needs to be shared. I can bring out if there’s something bothering me or just whatever is resonating with me at that time. I also learned that with some things I can wait, I let them boil inside for a while. Usually they come out differently or with time they change. I also noticed that things that were bothering me don’t bother me anymore or not so much, because with time my perspective on them has changed.

The beauty of being in a sharing circle is that you are trully heard. And when others share you listen, without interrupting. There’s no giving advice or discussing, we have technical meetings for that. I feel that it’s safe to take my space and time to share; that I feel safe enough to be open, honest and vulnerable in front of others. I feel it’s safe to be me.

I have to admit I feel very privileged to live like this. There is so much choice and so much freedom. I try not to take it for granted. I know we are still a group of individuals, each on their own unique path, but we are also on a path that combines our individual ones, the path that is shared, the path on which we walk, dance and skip-a-deedoo-dah together. And that’s what makes it special.

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